It’s interesting to me that we often think that we have no choice. “He makes me so mad” we say, rather than “he behaves badly and I choose to hold on to the anger that causes.” OK, it’s not as emotional – but it is valid. We may not choose our initial reactions, but we choose our long term emotions.
Here’s some proof…
Have you ever had a day when you look back on it and say something like “I should not have been that angry with her” or “I really was too hard on him”? Just this thought says that you have some control over those emotions that you expressed. Now we may rationalize it away with “well she brings out the worst in me” or “he was really arrogant” or other such nonsense, but the reality is out in the open with that first thought and nothing that we can pile on top of it will change it in any way. Thus, if we can realize that we emotionally over-reacted, it logically follows that we can control that reaction, and if we have control then we can choose to control ourselves or not. It’s that simple.
